Clubbing yourself to death with it

In honor of my final blog post for a writing-intensive course, I'm going to write about the ups, downs, explorations of writing.  Because, for some reason, it seems far more appealing to talk about clubbing myself to death than clubbing to death a story of a dead baby.  I'm just kidding (mostly).  Beloved is an excellent book, I'm just not in the mood to sob over an unbalanced combination of a sad story and a bad headache from thinking too hard.  Instead, I'm feeling reflective.  Thus I invite you to join me on my journey backward through this wonderful semester.

 

"I'm sitting in my office trying to squeeze a story from my head.  It is that kind of morning when you feel like melting the typewriter into a bar of steel and clubbing yourself to death with it."

-Richard Matheson (http://writingquotes.tumblr.com/post/36351942769/im-sitting-in-my-office-trying-to-squeeze-a-story#notes)

 

"A man would do well to carry a pencil in his pocket and write down the thought of the moment.  Those that come unsought are commonly the most valuable and should be secured because they seldom return."

-Francis Bacon (http://writingquotes.tumblr.com/post/36457430495/a-man-would-do-well-to-carry-a-pencil-in-his#notes)

"When you write, you are telling a story . . . to yourself.  When you revise, you are telling a story to yourself . . . over and over again."

-Kai Strand (http://writingquotes.tumblr.com/post/36281784961/when-you-write-you-are-telling-a-story-to#notes)

Upward mobility:  First of all, I would like to point out how happy I am that every post has been based around a direct quote.  It was a stretch sometimes, but at least I can say that goal was accomplished.  Through this course, I have no doubt my writing has gotten better, especially with the outlet this blog provides.  While a big part of this improvement was motivation to make something I'm proud of, I think the thing that moved me most to keep trying was that I wanted to know myself better and affirm my writing style.  The more effort I put into my writing, the more challenges arose--challenges that I hadn't even considered would be a roadblock for me.  But as I continued to write, learn, and explore, I've gotten increasingly closer to conquering them.  It's still a work in progress, of course (and I fear it will be for a very long time), but all hope is not lost.

Now for those roadblocks:  The biggest problem I faced this semester was writer's block.  It wasn't something I'd never experienced before, but i hadn't consistently dealt with it in writing up until now.  Suggestions can be given--and many helpful ones were--but it's a battle that ultimately you must face alone, because only you can know what works and what doesn't.  Through experimenting with solutions, though, it was clear that I need to loosen up.  I have a horrible habit.  I have the subject all planned out; all of the points and details float around and attempt to organize themselves in my head.  The problem is, I end up staring for what feels like forever at a white blank page.

 

I prefer to edit as I go than jot everything down in a rough copy then edit and sort it out.  One reason for this is simply that I get bored reading the same thing over and over again to myself.  I revised one paper this year, and, while I think it's one of the better things I've written, it was also one of the hardest things I've done.  Another factor is that once the words are written, they feel permanent.  I have trouble letting go of that desire to only write something down after I map out the perfect sentences in my head.  But when exhaustion kicks in and the right words aren't coming, the process turns into an unproductive waste of time, ending up no further than it started, which is always a discouraging feeling.

 

Right now I'm experimenting with keeping "a pencil in my pocket," so to speak, and writing down everything in a separate document.  That way, I have a hard copy of my thoughts, which can trigger other thoughts and almost organize themselves.  I haven't decided yet whether or not this method works for me.  I definitely feel more productive, but I've been ending up with too much to talk about, and it still takes me hours to fit everything together in a way that feels right.

Despite the challenges I know I'll continue to face, I'm glad they're there.  It's a sign that I'm writing enough and know myself as a writer well enough to encounter them.  Without problems, it doesn't mean that problems don't exist for you necessarily, because there's always a possibility that the issues haven't been revealed to you yet.  This class, especially through the blogs, has made me a more confident writer by allowing me to practice writing on topics I want to write about.